Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im holly from the hills drunk
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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