im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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