i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
