u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
