So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
