should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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