I'm eating all of the evidence.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I understand Curling. That high.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
