hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
