I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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