You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
This is my gift to your gina
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
