Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
