I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
