Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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