apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
