I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
