I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How does it feel to date your dad?
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