I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
