for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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