I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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