i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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