We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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