More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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