i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
