Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
