Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
