just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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