why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
