i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
