im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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