so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
never play flip cup with pint glasses
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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