i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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