I can tuck mytits in my pants
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
