he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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