but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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