you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
