Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
