Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
