Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
