at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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