I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
