4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
