you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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