I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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