The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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