I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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