She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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