remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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