I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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