But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
