I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
