can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
