Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
