i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
