i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my sisters under your porch take her home
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
