My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
