someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
